Eno River

this time of year, this space in time

Morning chores include letting the chickens out and feeding Gert , my one remaining goat, followed by a quick walk to the river with Maggie to survey all things beautiful in my little patch of heaven. I breathe in the sweet fall air  and feel the weariness of nature around me.  I wonder how there can be such a sense of exhaustion and beauty all at the same time.  I believe this is a time of year when the earth makes it’s final push, wrapping us in the deep vibrancy of fall color, lest we forget her warmth in the coming harsh beauty of winter.

My life seems to function in much the same way, the same patter and pattern of the seasons. I have unbelievable bursts of color and energy followed by periods of calm, a much needed, nurturing lull in the midst of a complicated life.  This space in time seems to be where I am at as I wait through this time of transition in so many aspects of my life.

The view from my balcony
The view from my balcony

The ending of many things in my life began four years ago and have led to this amazing journey that we are about to embark on, one that would not have happened had John not stepped into my world. One that is so full of color, scent, flavor and fuel for the soul it is no wonder that I am in a period of hibernation as I prepare mentally and emotionally for such a shift.

As delightful as all of that sounds I have struggled with this phase, cast about for things to do but not quite seeming to latch onto any one thing.  We all share a commonality in life and I am certain that aspects of this phase are common to many women. My children are raised, my grandchildren a great distance away, my business of twelve years has closed and my final bnb guest will leave in two weeks. During the course of this year I have lost 3 of my goats, only one old girl  remains, multiple chickens and a cat. It would seem life is taking care of wrapping itself up in many ways, allowing me to move on.

African Pygmy Goats
Cleo, Gert and Gracie Goat

So I am  giving myself the gift of time, I meditate each morning and evening, run a few miles every other day and am making time for family and friends. Simply by enjoying this space I have become aware of changes within me, a calmer, more creative self-someone I was seeking that I seemed to have lost for a couple of decades.

I am so grateful for all of the things in me, my life and those that allow me this kind of lazy time, without that support I would not have the luxury of this great adventure, how lucky I am.

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